I remember the moment like yesterday. I had just dismounted from a horse at my farm, and my cell phone rang. My Dad’s number popped up, and I happily answered. His voice was serious, and then began wavering between sadness and disbelief. I could hear the pain before he even got the words out. My world stood still…”Your Mom died.”
Those three words echoed in my mind like distant rain muffling the thoughts that began swirling uncontrollably. I sank to the floor, my concrete aisleway, as the horse I was holding lowed his head to mine. I could feel his breath and concern as I dropped the phone and began to sob. I am a very controlled person by nature, but this news of my mother’s sudden and unexpected death shook me to my core. I had no defenses for it. I had to let the emotions sweep over me.
Now, my mother and I had a very complicated relationship. She was a lovely women, that had a serious issue- alcoholism. She had battled this disease for most of my childhood, and living with an alcoholic had made me very resistant to my own emotions as well as the emotions of others. She tried hard to be a good mom, but it was difficult though the vail of wine and liquor. When I lost her, I felt like I had failed. I felt like my whole childhood had been dedicated in some way to making sure she was safe and alive. Just like that with no warning…she was gone.
The next few weeks were a haze of family members and friends wanting to pay respects, and looking for some closure. Closure I could not give them. It was during this time that I noticed my own body doing strange and interesting things. The most beautiful and distressing symptom was little white sparkles that would appear like heat waves off a car in the middle of summer. That was the best way to describe what I was seeing.
I was standing in my barn with my Veterinarian when the sparkles began appearing once again. I asked his opinion on the little points of light, and he suggested getting my eyes checked for a possible retinal tear. I had been under a tremendous amount of stress, and perhaps he was right! Off to the Eye Doctor I went!
This began a cascade of Doctors, the ophthalmologist, the retinal specialist, and finally the brain MRI. They were looking for a brain tumor with the MRI. To say that I was terrified would be an understatement. As I sat in front of the ophthalmologist, he just looked at the scans and smiled. “All clear,” he said.
Then he asked me if the little lights I had grown to fear were pretty. I could see them glinting over his left shoulder. I replied, “Yes, they are beautiful” as I motioned to his left shoulder.
He slowly looked to his shoulder as if he was trying to see them too. He looked back at me, and in a gentle voice said, “Well, then you enjoy them.”
He was right. The lights were stunning, and except for scaring me into believing a brain tumor might be lurking somewhere in my head, those sparkles had only proved themselves to be beautiful little shimmering points. I still had no idea what they were, but I knew that they were not physically harmful. That was a relief.
A few months slipped by and then a year without any change to the beautiful little lights that had grown to be my friends. They were happening more frequently though, but it was not concerning as my health was not directly affected. Then came the voices. Most of the time they were just thoughts that shot into my head with no rhyme or reason. Occasionally, one would present as an actual sound heard with my ear. That was disturbing to be honest. I had mental health issues that ran in my family, and I was convinced that I had some form of schizophrenia that might be managed though proper treatment. The other option was that I was in fact hearing and communicating with the dead. So, off to the therapist I went!
I found a wonderful psychologist with her PHD, and she had over 30 years of experience in her field. She was recommended by a colleague of my husband that was sure if anyone could help, Dr. Ducas could. I remember sitting in her office, and she reminded me of a kinder Judge Judy. As we started our first session, she explained to me that she did not believe in “speaking to the dead” or any other “spiritual nonsense.” I thought this was great, because I was really looking for her to refer me to a psychiatrist so I could begin the medication that would make me normal again- whatever medication that was. After our first session, she stated that she had lost her partner about six months prior, and if I heard from her partner to give her a call. I walked out of her office not sure what to think, but I was pretty sure Dr. Ducas would be receiving a phone call in a few days.
About five days later, I was sitting on my couch reading an article on my computer when I heard, “Hello???”
I stopped reading. Stunned I answered back out loud, “Hello?”
In a beautiful female voice I heard, “This is Claudia, Joyce’s partner.”
Now, I thought they were business partners or something, but then she stated showing me hearts. I heard, “I see her every day, but I still miss her so much. Please tell her I love her, and give a hug to Zoo Zoo Bear.”
I was so busy trying to write down her message that almost forgot that I could respond back. “Is there anything else for Joyce? Please make it as validating as possible for her,” I said.
“Tell her that I am with her in the morning while she is drinking her coffee. She always gets up so early! I could never do that, I was more of a late morning person,” she chuckled. “Thank you for all that you do!”
And with that, she was gone just as quickly as she had arrived. I was shocked. I had a name, and a message to give. This would either prove that I needed some strong medication or that I did, in fact, communicate with the deceased.
I quickly dialed Dr. Ducas’s number, and prayed she would answer. Sure enough, she did answer, and I relayed the message without taking a breath. It just poured out. Then everything fell silent on the phone. I was waiting for some form of validation, something. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Ducas simply said, “Thank you, we will discuss this at our next session.”
Well, that was it. I was sure I was crazy, and now I had a medical professional to prove it! For the next 3 days I was sad, depressed, and very grumpy. The lights and voices continued just as they had before the phone call. Now, I was sure that meant a lifetime of struggling to find a normal routine all while fighting against the voices in my head.
It was a Thursday when I sat on her couch for the second time. My stomach was in knots, and I was waiting for Dr. Ducas to begin to unravel the mystery that the other Doctors couldn’t. She sat in her chair, and had a content look upon her face. Then she uttered the words that would resonate with me from that moment forward. “I think you talk to dead people…”
I was overwhelmed. She began to explain that “Claudia” was her life partner for over 10 years, and had passed from cancer just 6 months before. “Zoo Zoo Bear” was Zsa Zsa Bear, her dog, and was a pet name they had shared for her. She also validated that she always woke at the crack of dawn, and Claudia would join her about 2–3 hours later in the morning. Dr. Ducas had tears in her eyes as she told her story while validating mine.
I continued to see her once a week for many years, and she became a teacher as well as a friend. She offered me a professional validation so profound, that I decided to get a handle on my gifts, which were getting out of control. So, I sought out someone that could provide me the knowledge and validation I needed, and I needed a lot of it! More about that in a moment. Though the years, Dr. Ducas utilized my special skills in a professional manner by referring some of her clients as well as colleagues for readings in order to gain healing and closure.
Joyce Ducas passed into the Spirit realm on February 19th 2018 at the age of 68. While I miss her terribly, I do hear from her from time to time. She always tells me, “I’m retired” if I ask for her help of a psychological manner; however, she always assists even in her “retirement.”
As my journey continued on, it highlighted just how skeptical and resistant I was to this whole process. My mother would come to me often in Spirit, and I still would think it was just my imagination wanting to maintain a connection that was physically lost. As I began to search for a teacher and mentor worthy of my skepticism, I came across a man by the name of John Lilek. I had no idea the lessons I was about to learn or the amazing process of which I about to partake, but I jumped in head first.
Rev. John Lilek was a physical medium. Now, a physical medium is someone that can have Spirit manifest themselves in the physical while in a trance (so everyone in the room can see them and hear them as well.) There are very few physical mediums left in this world, as it is very physically taxing on the body, and they are often seen as a sideshow ripe for fraudulent attacks. John was honest in his work, fully developed in his gift, and it was an honor to be his student, even if I did not realize it at the time. Many times, we are not aware of a profound experience until years later, and only though true reflection can we begin to appreciate the lessons presented to us. This was the case with John. John was a phenomenon. A true teacher and mentor- only wanting his students to exceed their own expectations when working with their personal spiritual gifts as he travel around the globe to reach as many people possible.
The saying is, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears,” and this held true for my connection with John. I was lost in my own skepticism and anger. I was a horse trainer and instructor for 20 years, and I had a barn full of horses and students demanding my attention. I did not have time for this spiritual jubilee that was slowing taking over my life. I knew my business would suffer if I pursued this gift that had been growing stronger from the moment my mother took her last breath.
I went to see him for a reading while he was in town. I had never been to a physical medium before, and honestly did not think that his claims were even possible. In a strange way, I was hoping that he would be a fraud so I could lock myself in my skeptical thoughts in order to continue on with the life that I had built. But this was not the case. I will share with you the final experience that changed my life forever. This moment was the pivot point to this whole shebang.
I was invited to attend a transfiguration. I had never even heard of such a thing! In a transfiguration, a physical medium falls into a deep trance while in a dark room with a red light as the only light source illuminating the medium’s face. After a short bit, loved ones and spiritual teachers that are passed appear and speak. I could not believe that this was physically possible, so I asked my husband, Mike, to go with me and “debunk” it if he thought this was a hoax. Now, Mike is an electrical engineer with a Masters degree in RF Microwave technology. He works on missile radars for the government. I was sure he could at least tell me how this was happening if what was promised in fact did occur.
We arrived a bit early to a house built in the early 1900’s. It was a small wood structure that honestly was in need of repair. This was not John’s house, but a house lent for the sole purpose of spiritual events. There were about 15 people in total that night, and we all took our seats on the folding chairs that were provided. The door was locked, and we were given instructions to sing and hold the space with joy. Also, we could call out our loved one’s names, and hopefully they would appear with a message. I was ready with anticipation!
I had been in contact with my Mother, and she informed me that she would not be attending the transfiguration. She said she would be there, but she would not come through. I knew not to expect her. My uncle had passed about a year before, and he was a prankster! He had difficulty with addiction in life, but he was always kind to me. He was so much fun!! I decided that is anyone could make it though, Jeff could.
As the lights dimmed and the transfiguration began, we all began singing various songs to keep the energy flowing. A few people began to see their loved ones (and we did too), and with great excitement they began to ask questions. The questions were answered with validation for each individual by the Spirit using the medium’s physical voice. I turned to Mike in disbelief. I started calling out “Uncle Jeff!”
Soon everyone in the room was echoing my call, and with that Jeff appeared right before my eyes! He showed himself at about 30 years old, even though he was much older when he passed. “Hi Heather,” Jeff stated using John’s Voice.
“I’m doing great here! No gambling or MSG though, so enjoy that stuff while you are alive.” Jeff said.
Now this was validating to me, because Jeff was a gambler with addiction issues. He loved everything in excess, including food. I was shocked and so excited to see him again. He stated that Mike and I would be moving to my farm in about 5–6 years, and here I sit writing this book from my farmhouse that we moved into about 6 years after this message.
He gave me a few more messages before he slipped back into his realm. The entire experience lasted about 90 min, and I witnessed many messaged from others loved one’s that night. I was still skeptical, although it was getting harder to hold onto my disbelief.
Once Mike and I got into the car for the drive home, I asked him to tell me how John managed that?? All he could say was, “I don’t know.”
Over and over I asked, and always the same response. There was no way that someone could have put on such a show with complete validation in the house’s current electrical state. Even with a better electrical panel, there is no explanation for the messages that came forward that evening. I remember just staring off into space, and then I said, “This changes everything…” All Mike could do was nod in agreement.
John continued to teach me from that point on, and I received my Certification of Mediumship though his church in 2012. John Lilek Transitioned into Spirit on August 14th 2014 after a brief illness from cancer. He is still my teacher and mentor, and is helping me organize and write this very blog. I am honored that he still enlightens me, and has helped tremendously in my own spiritual development. I am truly honored to have these unique experience, and amazing people in my life.
